Saturday, December 31, 2016

OLW 2017

I was never one to pick a word each year or even make "resolutions" until 2 years ago when the Lord implanted a word on my heart ROOTED for 2015 and for 2016 it was JOY. Now, if I were being very honest with you (which I am) About halfway through the year I'd forget. I'd start off pursuing my word whole heartedly... with much excitement that I would stay focused and I would learn a lot... but I'd lose focus and forget. The Lord is gracious though and he would remind me in subtle ways and I'd still learned something at the end of each year, but not nearly what I could have and I have figured out why... and it ties into my new word for this year... in past years I have been distracted by everyday life... drug down by the distractions of a lot of pain and loss and I had allowed myself to consume myself in the "I have a right to feel this way" mentality that I barely came out any different. Going into this year knowing that has been my problem is the first step to changing the results. Now, I'm not saying we don't have a right to feel certain ways or we shouldn't allow ourselves to go through emotions when we lose so much or deal with so much pain, but we do need to be aware of what our attitude is like and where it could take us. If we are always pitching a fit trying to convince people we have a right to feel the way we do, that is a very dangerous attitude to take. If the Lord is prompting you to try and pull you out of the deep pit you're convinced you should be allowed to sit in and you continue to fight him than allow him to help you, you have no reason to complain about where your life goes from there. God is not to blame for your misery, you are. I should know, I was very angry with him the end of 2014 and most of 2015. It isn't the easiest thing to admit to. I don't like saying I was mad at him, but I was. I'm still coming out of that too. It's easy to smooth the surface and make it seem like things are ok with you spiritually... but inside you know you're dying and its hard to pinpoint why when you aren't looking to accept the responsibility that you are why you are where you are. I'm not sure if people noticed how wrecked I was spiritually, if they did they never reached out.... they never said anything about it... so I'm guessing I did well enough hiding. Hiding the hurt, the pain, the anger... the death creeping in on me.... all the anxiety that tried to consume me over the last few years... and it is so easy to blame others for being where you are.... then you start to build bitterness against everyone which isolates you and just makes the cycle that much worse. I am glad God was finally able to get through to me. It's been no easy task, let me tell you. So my one little word this year is

REFURBISH

Refurbish is the main word for my OLW (One Little Word) this year for 2017... I really feel that is what God has planned this year and I am going to plaster that word all over the place so I don't forget... so I remember to pursue that word this year. There are a lot of other "re" words that fall into the same category that I feel are kind of my word too. I found this on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website while I was looking up the definitions of these words together that I want to share. I will post the link after the quoted text.

Renovaterenewrestorerefresh, and rejuvenate all mean to make like new. Renovate (a word ultimately derived from the Latin verb novare, meaning "to make new," itself a descendant of novus, meaning "new") suggests a renewing by cleansing, repairing, or rebuilding. Renew implies a restoration of what had become faded or disintegrated so that it seems like new ("efforts to renew the splendor of the old castle"). Restore suggests a return to an original state after depletion or loss ("restored a piece of furniture"). Refresh implies the supplying of something necessary to restore lost strength, animation, or power ("a refreshing drink"). Rejuvenate suggests the restoration of youthful vigor, powers, or appearance ("she was rejuvenated by her new job").
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/renovate
All of those above words describe what it means to be refurbished as well. I feel so connected to these "re" words and I find that this is what I desperately want for this New Year. I want God to come in and renovate, renew, refine, refresh, rejuvenate and refurbish me this year. I want to walk out being a different person and I plan on making goals this year to help me to stay focused and do just that. One of the things I plan on doing is blogging on here more throughout 2017 and hopefully I will be sharing the things I am learning as I seek out this OLW this year. I plan on reading some really great books to get me through the year... ones I didn't finish from privious years words. I also plan on trying my hand at a couple new crafts this year... something to do for me... to learn something new and to do something with my hands. I have really neglected myself and it has manifested in ugly ways to my family... I do not take enough time out to care for my own mental wellbeing so this year I plan to change that. I don't plan on neglecting my family, or my childrens needs of me... but I do plan on making more of an effort to do things for me that I enjoy. I want to focus on the good and not focus so much on my flaws. I consume myself with hating myself because I focus too much on the things I dislike about myself or places I can improve (it's never bad to be aware of ones places where we can improve but if it's all we focus on it becomes unhealthy). I know I will make mistakes in this new year but I will not let any shortcomings allow me to make the excuse to stop trying each new day. You don't fail unless you stop trying. I'm excited about this New Year and I pray 2017 brings out the best in all of us.