Monday, April 26, 2010

Slay Me

This is an old poem I found that I wrote while I was living in Grandview.... It is my heart's cry right now...

Slay me tonight
As my face meets the floor
I don't want
To see myself anymore
I want to die
To give up my life
All for You
No longer for myself
My life I do not want to own
I don't want
Another person to die
Because of my selfishness
SLAY ME
So the lost can find life
Come alive in me
Consume me to an
INTENSITY
That I can never fathom
I want to see
As Your eyes see
I want to feel
The urgency in Your voice
To make a change
I feel I am not doing
ENOUGH
ALL THAT I CAN
I want to be
BROKEN
Like I've never been broken before
I want to see the world
Through Your eyes
Everything as it is
Take the blindfold
From my eyes
Let me see the world clearly
Everything that cannot be seen
By our blinded eyes
I want to see
Let me see the dead and dying
The way You see them
And may this heart be broken
As Yours is broken
Let these eyes cry tears
Like they've never shed before
Let these lips speak words
With an intensity
That is not their own
Slay me tonight
So my selfishness and fear
Won't stand in the way
Of Your will
And the change
You are calling me to do

Scribed from my heart- Jedidiah

Suffering of Christ

Christians who refuse to look squarely into the suffering of Christ are not Christians at all. They are a breed of pretenders, who would turn their backs on the Cross, and shame His death. You cannot hold up the Cross, nor drink of the cup without embracing the death. And you cannot understand love, unless you first die.

- DANCE OF THE DEAD 1959

Wow. How powerful is that? If that isn't convicting and thought provoking, I dunno what is.

Everytime I see the pictures of Christ battered and bloody it makes my stomach turn. It makes me feel sick because my sin did that to Him and I am still selfish enough to do what I want. I am lazy and I don't pursue Him the way He endured all of that for me. It's hard for me to watch, for me to look at but I do because in watching it, in seeing it, I see the true love for me. It's not just words on a page, it is reality. How Jesus was treated and how He was beaten and crucified was excruciatingly brutal but that's the reality.

How ironic is it that we can watch slasher movies, brutal murder movies, even brutal action movies and we're fine with it, but we can't handle watching The Passion of the Christ. Why do you think that is? It's not a coincidence that it is hard for us to watch that but not some sick horror flick like Saw? No matter how weirdly twisted people make it out to be "right" what that guy is doing in those films by slowly torturing people to appreciate what they have, it's wrong and sick to depict the life and sacrifice of Christ? I don't get that. Christ never tortured anyone to appreciate what they have. He taught everything in love and died in love as well so that we could know freedom.

You may say that it is unnecessary for me to speak of this, but I think it is. THIS IS THE REALITY and we all need to be reminded. We need to weep out of appreciation for what He did. We need to acknowledge Him and what He did for us. He died... and rose again so that we may walk in life and freedom. It is ours to take. All we have to do is accept it.

Love was poured out
Through the shedding of His blood.

Truth Can Be Shocking

A friend sent me this quote and I wanted to share it. It's something that kind of blew me out of the water because it is so true.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."


- Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Walk On

I'm far away from you now
No use to chase me
My heart belongs to another
One who will never leave me for someone else
The path I walk is a hard one
But it fills me with joy
So walk on, walk on
Not looking for a temporary lover
I have found my love
He is everything I can't find here
I long for the day I will see His face
Until then I will linger in His shadow
I will walk His path
I will love and adore Him
And I will never turn away for less
Than what I deserve
I will not settle
My sights are set high
My journey's begun
The desert is a wide open place
Full of lonely feelings
But as long as He is always with me
I will brave territory
Where most will not go